11th June 2018

2.9- Before I Let You Go

In the book “Before I let you go”, by Kelley Rimmer, it all starts when Lexie gets a call from her myth of a sister Annie at 2 am in the morning. After 6 years of not communicating, Annie as per usual wants Lexies help, she is a thief, a drug addict and a liar, Lexie has done everything in her power to help her sister paying for rehabs and providing for her. But this time Annie is in real trouble, she is pregnant and in premature labour, Lexie has to choose between taking her to the hospital where Annie will lose custody, possibly go to prison but save the baby and her life at the same time, and the alternative is the unthinkable for Lexie.

I first meet Lexie at the beginning of the book, when she receives Annies phone call at 2 am. She says ” only one person in my life would call at that hour; the same person who wouldn’t hesitate to ask for something after 2 years of silence, the same person that wouldn’t give a single thought to the fact I have to be at work by 8am”. This makes me realise Lexie has most probably put up with her sisters problems a long time before this present phone call, the thought of Annie frustrates her and by now she is starting to get fed up by her sisters behaviour. I initially see Lexie to be a well established, successful, compassionate person with the right morals that has got her through med school and to be a qualified doctor. Compared to her sister Annie, the I can instantly decide which sister has been most prosperous, I choose to have more respect for Lexie over Annie. However I learn Lexie discovers a huge amount of anxiety throughout her sisters addiction battle and final stages of her pregnancy. She fears her sister going to jail and the chemical endangerment of Annies unborn baby Daisy, and after she is born with the risk of not surviving with narcotics in her system. I can see  Lexie react to all this stress by wanting to be independent throughout it all, for example when she pushes away her fin-ace Sam. I am able to relate to Lexies reaction to conflict, because I have pushed loved ones away during difficult times mainly because I have believed only I can fix the problem myself, however just like Lexie did I have taken on too much by myself trying to solve everything which causes further issues, in Lexies case with Sam. For example when Lexie says to Sam, ” Im sorry, its just really hard for me to share these problems with you”, from this I can understand that Lexie may feel embarrassed or worried for what Sam will think, she wants to help Annie on her own.

I can also understand the idea of doing anything you can when a loved one is in danger. In the book I see Lexie trying to find a loophole in the system of law so that her sister can have her baby in hospital without being charged, sent to prison and having her baby removed from her. I did question why Lexie would do this, Annie is clearly incapable of looking after Daisy, she is addicted to drugs which is a huge process in itself to fix, but I did come an understanding that Lexie is doing this out of love even though it is most likely the wrong thing for Annie. I see Lexie become very attached to the thought of Annie winning her battle of rehab which could potentially see her reunited with Daisy. I learn that Lexie is the definition of adherence she teaches us love and compassion out of judgement and the power of an unbreakable bond between her and Annie that has lasted through thick and thin.

I instantly judge Annie, she relies on her sister and other people for that matter, she is financially broke, selfish, living in horrible conditions and now is in premature labour causing her baby major risk all credited to her use of narcotic drugs which has pushed her to a serious addiction. I had the oppurtunity to judge Annie purely because she got herself in this mess, she was the one who chose to take drugs in the first place and from the readers perspective it seems she is not willing to fix herself whether thats because she is not strong enough or purely isn’t interested. The problem with this first hand judgement that I made is that a huge majority of the audience will also agree, we fail to be compassionate, take a step back and wonder what and if something or someone has caused this, caused Annie to resort to drugs. From what I have learned about the mental illness, “addiction” whether it is with drugs or alcohol or anything, a huge cause of this is, people running from something, choosing to numb the pain and failing to be aware or take responsibility for their feelings. I later learn in the novel why Annie resorted to drugs, and I undergo a major perspective change about Annie. I learn that Annie had moved into a religious cult with her mother who remarried after Annies fathers death, Annie was raped by her stepfather and continuously shamed by the cult, she suffered mentally from this for a long time and her escape was drugs. I learn a valuable lesson from this story, I learn to be compassionate in any situation possible, to treat people with love no matter their state in life. Instead of classifying someone as a “druggie”, “alchy” or “addict” , we must look further, feel deeper and be willing to help someone in need, just as Lexie did. Society tends to discriminate mental health whether its depression or addiction, it is seen as a form of weakness, vulnerability and rebel in a negative form. I strongly believe this book is beneficial for a  year 12/13 student because in these teenagers lives they will come across someone suffering mental illness, by reading this book these students are being shown to be humane, with the statistics showing mental illness affects one in every four people worldwide, by showing benevolence towards the struggling rather than instantly discriminating them we are making the world a kinder place. Because no one suffering mental illness will get better from being hurt by others and trying to fight it on their own, they need help and by the younger generation reading this book and learning compassion, love and mercy these statistics might go down.

Join the conversation! 1 Comment

  1. Peta, there are engaging, honest reflections here- well done. Your second point is particularly well-developed!

    I would consider breaking up your first point into two. It seems that you discuss two main ideas here and the discussion is quite long. Also, make sure that all of the plot details you are describing in this point are necessary: you want to give enough context without going into details that don’t really relate to your discussion.

    Have a final read through your writing and strengthen the technical accuracy (this helps to bring clarity to your ideas).

    Good work 🙂


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